Chapter 5: Aftermath

It was very late, or very early, however you wanted to look at it. I had ended up going for a run into around the neighbourhood and then into the suburbs, before catching a cab so that I could watch the sunrise over the Westend Bridge.
It was a place Mario had showed me when I first moved here. As someone who had left the woman he loved back home, Mario understood what I was going through. He had taken me up here so that I too might have a place to think about her, without having to be bothered by anyone. It was here that I had chosen to take my solace.
I felt horrible. Stupid, foolish, sad, angry, but most of all, I felt like an asshole. Not only had I snapped at Marc and Vero, and made a jerk of myself infront of my parent, but I had hurt Karri. I had yelled at her, disrespected her and basically allowed all of the pent up frustration I'd been feeling to boil over in her direction.
It was hard enough being so upset over what had happened between us all those years ago without adding another layer on top. Why did I have to be so stupid? Normally I was always in control of my emotions... off the ice at least. There was just something about Karrington though, she stirred up such strong feelings in me.

I knew that I should probably be heading home, just like I knew that sound of tires on gravel was probably the sound of someone coming to find me. I was sitting on the ground and I didn't bother to turn around as I heared the car door slam. "How much trouble am I in?"

"Loads of it." Mario chuckled, coming up to stand behind me. I sighed. "I'm kidding... no one expects you to be perfect Sidney, everyone has a bad day."

"You don't understand what I did Mario... I was awful..."

"No, you weren't awful. You were nothing more than a boy who's been very, very hurt. There's no right or wrong when it comes to love Sidney... you just gotta do what feels right."

Mario sat down beside me, silently, as we continued to watch the sunrise over the city that we both loved so much. The full circle of the sun was in view before we spoke again. "Did you tell them where I was?"

"I said that, I had a good idea where you would be... I thought you might want to be alone for a little while though."

"Yah... thanks." I looked over at Mario for the first time. He was wearing a hoodie and a pair of jeans, he looked almost awkward without a suit on. I pushed that thought aside and began talking, "I don't know what to do."

"Oh?"

"I love her Mario, she just doesn't seem to care. I can't make her love me but I can't make myself stop loving her either."

"I wouldn't say that she doesn't care. I think that you're both so sure the other one is in the wrong, that you refuse to see anything else."

"But... she's the one that didn't want me anymore... and then she shows up here, and expects what?"

"Sid. You seem to think that she doesn't want you, and she seems to think that you don't want her. Did you ever think that maybe, well... maybe you both want each other and you're both too scared to get hurt again."

"Do you really think she still wants to be with me?"

"Well... first off she's here. Secondly, you didn't see her after you left last night. She was pretty upset about it... Sidney... what happened?"

"We were watching a movie and we started talking about the people-"

"No, I mean, what happened before you left Cole Harbour? How did it end?"

I exhaled slowly. Was I really ready to talk about this again? I had told Marc enough that he knew about my feelings and about how Karri rejected me... but was I really ready to tell someone everything? I looked over at Mario; he was still watching the Pittsburgh skyline.

"Do you know Nathalie and I broke up before we were married?"

"What?!"

"Yah... we broke up shortly after I got drafted to Pittsburgh."

"But you never said..."

"It doesn't really matter... it worked out."

"How?" I couldn't hide my interest from him and he chuckled at my reaction.

"Well," he began softly, I could tell that he was picking his words carefully. "When I got drafted to Pittsuburgh, she stayed behind in Quebec. We thought that we could make it work through anything but, I was so caught up in the hype and the stardom that I forgot who I was. Forgot about the things that were really important. She ended it with me and we didn't talk for months. I was devistaed but, I thought I could get along without her. Finally one night after a very hard lost I got home and realized that... no matter how much the people of this city loved me and no matter how well I played on the ice, it would never change the fact that she was gone. What's the point of living the dream you created with someone, when they aren't there to share it with? I knew what I had to do, and the next day off that I had, I flew back home. I told her that I was stupid and foolish and that I needed her in my life always. She agreed that I was stupid and foolish, and then she told me that she had been miserable without me. She transfered down to Pittsburgh and finished her Bachelors. Then we got married."

"But she broke up with you... how did you know that she would take you back?"

"I didn't, but sometimes the prize outweighs the risk." I thought about everything he had said, compairing it to my own story, wondering if I would ever have my happy ending.

We had fallen into silence again, Mario allowing me to absorbe this new information. Finally I spoke.

"It was summer. The camera crews were moving their stuff out of my parents basement. We had just found out that I was most likely going to Pittsburgh. I was sad cause it seemed so far away from mom, dad and Taylor but I was happy that I was going to get to learn from the best." I looked over at Mario and he smiled at this. "I went across the street to tell Karrington about it and she seemed please. I could that there was something wrong but I didn't press it.
When draft day came, she stayed in Cole Harbour, some of my sponsors felt that having my girlfriend at the draft wouldn't be good for publicity and she laughed about it. She use to say she was going to be 'the most hated girl in Pittsburgh'.
When I got home from training camp things were different. I didn't bother to unpack my bags cause I was only planning on being home a few days. When she came over she saw all the suitcases and called me lazy, I asked her if she needed suitcases or if she had some already..." I took a breath then exhaled, I could feel the tears forming in my eyes as I spoke.
"She said that we needed to talk....

"Sidney, I'm not going with you."


"What? What's do you mean your not going with me? Is this the 'fear of flying' thing again, cause I'll just drive down with you if you want... you know babe, you're gonna have to get over that! We're going to be flying to the away games and stuff-"

"No Sidney, I'm not going with you... at all." She looks sad, like she doesn't want to be saying this, but she is.

"I don't understand... 'at all'? When are you coming down?" I'm trying to figure out what she means, she can't really be breaking up with me. She loves me.

"I can't move to Pittsburgh with you. Sidney, I got accepted into Dalhousie and I'm going to stay here, in Nova Scotia. I'm going into Sciences... then going for my Education."

"But you can do that in Pittsburgh..."

"I didn't get a scholarship to Pittsburgh, and you know I can't afford it."

"I can afford it..."

"I already missed the deadline anyway."

"Well you can go to school next year then..."

"Sidney, I'm not taking a year off of school. I'm going to Dalhousie, I leave tomorrow."

"Why are you making excuses? Why won't you just come with me? I'm sure I could talk to Mario, he could probably pull some strings and get you registered for this September in Pittsburgh."

"I don't want in to a school because I'm dating Sidney Crosby, why can't you just accept that I'm doing this?"

"Because you're being ridiculous! There's no reason for you to stay here... you're suppose to be coming with me."

"This is important to me Sidney... I really want to be a teacher... you know that."

"Yah, and you can be a teacher... in Pittsburgh."

"I just don't see the point of that Sidney I mean, we won't even be together in another year." She breaths in fast. She doesn't mean to say that out loud but she did. She doesn't plan on staying with me forever. She wanted me while I was convienient to her, well she was not doing anything else. Now that she has plan she doesn't need me anymore... how could I have been so stupid. I can't think of what to say, I'm looking at her with my mouth open. She's trying to find words to comfort me but she can't. She starts walking towards me but I get off my bed and move away from her.

"Sidney I didn't mean..."

"Don't touch me."

"Sidney please, I didn't mean that I don't want-"

"No, you made it very clear what you don't want. Apparently that includes me. Fine then, I didn't want you to come anyway." I don't mean that, I don't mean any of that but she hurt me so bad. As horrible as it is I want to hurt her back. Tears form in my eyes and I try to blink them away, I cannot believe this is happening.

"You didn't want..."

"No... I didn't want you to come anyway. I just felt bad leaving you here... but apparently you'd rather be here then with me. Good. There's a million girls like you in Pittsburgh, anyone could take your place... and they'll go anywhere for me." No one could take her place, and I know that I'm lying. But it doesn't matter. Tears are falling from her eyes and this gives me some piece of dignity back, at least I'm not the only one crying.

"Well good then, if that's what you want. I'll leave you alone to pack."

"Already packed remember, don't want to stay here any longer than I have to."

"Oh right, all your new girlfriends are waiting!"

"Yep."

"You're unbelieveable you know that?"

"That's what they keep telling me." I'm being an asshole, good. My heart is breaking out of my chest, at least she can feel the intensity of my emotions, she's backing away towards the door.

"Well you better get going... don't want to keep all those puckbunnies waiting, you know, all those stupid girls that actually give a shit about stupid worthless hockey players like you."

"Get out."


The tears fell quickly, but I didn't even try to hide them anymore. Mario sat in silence as he contemplates my story. He glanced over his shoulder then and smiled. "I think there's more to it than that Sid."

"No... that's everything. I flew out as soon as I could the next day and didn't bother going back. Dad said Karri only ended up at Dal for one semester before moving back home, but I never talked to her again after that... not until she came here."

He looked over his shoulder again and I followed his gaze. Karrington was standing a few feet back, her tiny frame shaking with sobs.

"Well, I think this is my cue to leave." He got up and tossed me the keys to his SUV before walking over to where my dad had parked our car. Mario waved goodbye and got in. They backed out and drove off down the road, leaving Karrington and I alone.
I didn't know what else to do so I stood up and walked over to her. "I'm really sorry about last night Karrington... I had no right to say those things to you, I was wrong and I'm sorry."

She shook her head, still looking down at her feet, frame still shaking. I took a step towards her afraid of her reaction, but she responded by shuffling towards me, I caught her as she fell into my arms. She cried for a long time. Long enough that I sat down and pulled her into my lap, trying to comfort her as best I could. When the tears subsided I hugged her tightly and let her think. Finally she pushed away from me and looked up into my eyes. "Sidney, I never meant that I didn't want you. I didn't want to go to Pittsburgh with you because I was scared."

"Scared of what, you know I would have protected you from anythi-"

"I was scared of you."

I stopped talking. I thought about her words, trying to make sense of them, when she pulled my attention back.

"I was scared of you leaving me."

"I don't understand..."

"Sidney. I love you, I have always loved you but you don't know how hard it's been to love you. Ever since we were children people always had these great expectations for you and I was just some nobody from nowhere. When you got drafted I was happy for you... but I knew my time with you was coming to an end. I just assumed you wouldn't want me anymore once all your... options... opened up.
I told you I couldn't go to Pittsburgh because I wanted to go to University. I wanted to go and get an education and get a good job, so that in a few years, once you'd moved on... I'd be able to support myself. I was terrified of moving to the states with you, living with you for a few years and then having you find someone better then me. Then where would I be? No education, no job, useless. I needed to make sure that I had everything in order before I went down to live with you... I needed to make sure I had a back up plan."

"But... why would you need a back up plan? How many times did I tell you that you were the only one that had ever mattered to me? That HAS ever mattered to me. Karrington, it's always been you. No other girl could ever take your place... what do I have to do to make you see that!?"

"Sid... you're too good for me. I know that sounds corney but it's true. You're sweet, smart, talented, funny, beautiful, just amazing! Not to mention that you were about to become the face of the NHL, a superstar. I thought once you got to Pittsburgh you would decided you wanted someone that deserved you more, some trophy wife. I was so afraid that you would either leave me with... literally nothing, or that you would stay with me even when you didn't want me anymore; out of some sense of obligation."

I sighed and pulled her against me tighter. "You know what Karrington... you're right!"

"I am?" She let out a sigh, "I always knew I was... doesn't make it easier to hear..."

"Well let's face it... I am sweet, pretty much the smartest guy ever. I'm hilarious and damn sexy. I'm basically the best hockey player that ever lived... and I don't think there's a girl alive that would be able to resist my amazing charm..."

"Sidney Patrick Crosby... are you making fun of me?" She looked at me, her green eyes glowing.

"No way... I'm too sweet to do something like that."

"Ugh!" She punched me in the shoulder. "I don't believe this, the first heart to heart conversation we've had in years and you turn it into a joke!"

"Mmmhmmm... on of my many talents. But you know what's not a joke?"

"Oh, what's this now?"

"That I love you. That there hasn't been a day pass, where I thought for one minute I would be happy without you. You were, are and will always be the only woman that I will ever want. I was dumb enough to let you out of my life once... I will not do it again..." She had crushed her lips against mine before I was done talking. I easily lifted her up and turned her in my lap, so that she was stratling me. Our lips never left as I pushed her down onto the grass, pushing my leg up between her thighs. This didn't seem like the best time or the most appropriate place but I had always been better at expressing things physically, and I wasn't taking any chances.
I wanted to make it speical and perfect but that idea didn't stick around for long. I pulled her back up on my lap and pushed her down on top of me; using her weight to push myself deeper inside of her.


By the time we finished making love I knew that we should be heading back. I was almost too exhausted and comfortable to get up off the grass, wihile she was cuddled beside me. However, the last thing I wanted was for my dad to come back looking for us, and as much as I was sure Mario would appreciate us keeping our activites out of his vehicle, I'm not sure my father would approve of our... outdoor 'adventure'. I also knew that I owed Marc and Vero an apology... they were probably dying to know what happened...
I pushed myself off the ground and pulled Karri up to meet my lips. I smiled at her enthusiasm as she kissed me back, when a thought struck me. "I have a request."

"Oh?"

"Well, seeing as how your fears were... me finding someone else, and school..."

"Yes..."

"And since I've proved that there will never be no one else... and you're not in school... I want you to move in with me."